Neverland

I am astounded with life lately
I’ve truly never felt so present
so lit up
so joyful
so alive
and so FREE

All those inspirational quotes I’ve loved for years…
You know, the ones printed on magnets
That you hang on your fridge?

They’re the quotes my logical brain has always tried to comprehend
But for the very first time
They are now being FELT

You can read the Power of Now a million times over again
but until you dig deep and
“DO THE WORK”, as they say
you won’t really ever know in your heart
All that Ekhart Tolle has been talking about

I am in the depths of FEELING and KNOWING all that he wrote
And I’m reveling in it
I’m shrieking out in pure joy
To the point of my head tingling all over the place
chills up and down my spine
Joy and presence being fully unlocked

I am OVERCOME by the simple beauty of life
It honestly feels like I’m walking around high

I am so IN each moment
time feels as though it’s slowed down
I’ve unearthed the secret
They’ve all been talking about

While I was stopped by a train
just the other day
Where I would once find frustration
there was relief instead

the train gave me a wonderful chance to JUST BE

I felt the strength of that train rumbling deep in my chest
I closed my eyes to feel it further
and a smile grew on my face

I was in the midst of integrating
How I’m finally in such a peaceful place

After years worth of heartache
and torment
and pain
I’m now free from it all
And I’ll never be the same

As I opened my eyes
I glanced at the freeway ahead
I noticed the cars and trucks
just people driving along on their way
Yet something about it just didn’t seem right

For they all looked as though they were moving so slow
I watched as each vehicle just slowly inched along
It felt as though someone had turned the dial down on time

Nothing was wrong, though
I wasn’t losing my mind
I was just so fully present
That I lost touch of time

I’ve been so in the moment
Seeing the beauty of life for what it is
Not running
or hiding  
Not wrapped up in my brain

No longer reaching for something
that feels so far away

And it hit me right there
in front of the tracks that day
I’ve unlocked pure GOLD
This is it!
Oh my gosh.
This is what they’ve all been talking about…
I am in it
I’m alive
I’m here in the now
Life is so fucking beautiful!
I’ve figured it out

I dove in, Here I am,
And now there’s no turning back

I’m not scared
I feel peace
I now fully believe
That we all have the power
We all hold the key

I know it with every fiber of my being
I know it Because it’s happened to me

I don’t have to change a thing about life anymore
I don’t have to keep fighting
I don’t have to stop war

I don’t have to wake anyone up to believe
I don’t have to keep desperately trying to prove my worth to anybody
I don’t have to do anything
I can simply JUST BE

Just by simply being my wonderful self
I will help heal the world
By spreading my LOVE

And if I do something
It’s not because it HAS to be done
It will only happen if its what’s naturally meant to become

I’m living from a place of pure purpose and truth
I truly feel immortal
Like I’m living a dream

I said to my mother
the other day
on a walk
“Mom, I feel so freaking happy
So fully at peace
I’m not scared of dying
Like I was before”
I honestly said this
The words just kept flowing
“I’m so happy
I feel like
I could just die here today
Because I know
In my heart
It will all be ok”

I’ve never known
such unshakable faith

I’m not scared anymore
I know deep down in my heart
That there’s something much bigger
Than everything I’d been worrying about  

I’ve come home to myself
I’m in my true essence
Fully alive and Fully present

Like OH MY GOODNESS,
JUST LOOK AT THIS RASPBERRY!
How beautiful it is
how dang juicy it tastes
All the energy and time it took to grow just like this
And how no one claimed it was growing too slow
How It had absolutelty nothing to prove
It knew it’s own beauty
It knew it’s own worth  
Even if no one picked it
And it just died there one day
How even that would have still been ok

I’m in astoundment at how nature holds all the lessons
but we’re all too busy
too distracted
too caught up
to even notice the blessings

we’re missing the chance
to be in each beautiful moment
We’re lost in our minds
We’re lost in the program

And now I’m walking around just LIVING in this new feeling…
And everywhere I look,
I’m completely and entirely shook.

I can’t help but keep smiling
I am fully in awe
I want to talk to each stranger  
I want to learn all about
Their stories
Their hearts
Their tears
And their pain
I want to sing with them
dance with them
I want to cry and laugh too
I want to feel the connection
between me and you

Dying is beautiful
Living is too
It’s all so profound
It’ll hit you right out of the blue

all the beauty I see
All the wonderful people
Their faces
Their eyes
Their wrinkles
Their dimples

And the IRONY,
the sweet silly IRONY of it all…
Is now staring
No, GLARING, at me
right in the face

how many years I spent in such pain and resistance
how long I kept myself locked up in a prison

I blamed everyone around me
I was displacing my pain
when really it was me all along
Who needed to sit with the shame

I needed to take a deeper look at myself
get to know that little girl
Who was longing
And begging
And searching
for help

No one was coming to save her,
I realized one day
it was ME all along
who had kept myself in a cage

I continually tried to blame everyone else  
And it kept coming out in RAGE
unknowingly lying to myself
I told myself stories
that made my reality come true

When the finger was pointed at me,
I would respond confidently,
no it’s actually you

I had been putting my strength and my worth
in the hands of everyone else

I read book after book,
just longing for answers
But the problem, you see,
was I took pride in myself
For even reading those books

I was finding all of the answers
Or so I had thought
I saw everyone else
in all the pages I read
I knew it
It was them to blame

He is the problem
I’d selfishly tell myself
But why can’t he see?
Until I realized the problem was actually me

I stayed in this dance for years upon years
And I blamed and I blamed
I fought and I fought
I gave him my pain
and he gave it right back
All fueling the story
I was telling myself

I did this until our therapist
helped us figure it out
We were blaming each other
And slowly but surely I started to see

Everything I saw within him
Was also in me
And the only choice I had
was to set both of us free

I had to take back my power
I had to realize my strength
I had to make different choices
I had to choose a new way

Because all of the blaming was just distraction from truth
the little girl inside me
She knew all along what to do
She knew how to be
I had to remember her
I had to set her free

All along, she was simply just longing to be seen!
to be heard
to be FELT by someone
Are you starting to see?

But in order for all of this to be done
I had to go to the dark places no one wants to go
I had to reopen my wounds
I had to take a deep look at my childhood
I had to look in the mirror
I had to sit with myself

I had to sit with the pain
The deep shame that I had fucked up so much  
I had hurt so many people
I had been so very wrong
I had been selfish and hurtful and said fucked up things
I had been continually making everyone feel so dang small
I was doing it without even realizing it, though
And there’s something you should know  
This type of programming runs deep in us ALL

you’re going to have to dive into the pain of your life
Cause if you don’t  
You’ll entirely lose yourself

Stop running
Stop hiding
Stop covering it up
Stop putting your worth in the hands of somebody else!
Stop drinking
Stop cleaning
Stop working so hard
Stop it all right now
And just fucking sit with yourself  

I finally did it one day
And then again and again
I’d lay there
and feel it
On the floor of my room
All alone
Fucking scared
Yes, it felt like straight doom

So much pain that was truly just dying to be felt
And the key was to FEEL it
Not pass it along to everyone else

this deep longing I was carrying
I just HAD to be seen
To be heard
To be loved
It felt so out of reach

Of course it did
I hadn’t yet figured it out
I kept searching in all the wrong places
And now that I know it
It just can’t be unseen
The simple truth
That if needed to come from ME

Not my hushand
my mother
Not my friends
Or my kids
It all started to make more and more sense as i dug in

I finally admitted I had some deep work to be done

I made my amends with myself
with my husband,
my mother
with my children
My friends
With my sisters  
My brothers

With everyone I’ve ever crossed paths with before
For we are all actually the fucking same in the end
we are all humans
with such deep PAIN in our hearts
Just walking around
longing to be FELT

And that pain will run rampant
until we just let it out

But letting it out safely
Is an art to be learned
It takes time
It takes patience
It takes knowing yourself

buckle up
it’s not easy
you hearts going to ache
It’s going to feel
Like a giant earthquake

but my gosh
Just you wait!
There’s such beauty and calm
waiting for you
on the other side of it all

It’s been waiting there patiently
With a smile on its face
And once you notice it
You’ll be smiling too
You’ll start laughing out loud
at how silly life is
And how seriously you took it for so long
It will all start to make perfect sense

So let the earth rumble beneath you
Let it shake your life up
Yes, you’ll feel like you’re dying
like your losing yourself

but really what’s happening
is profound transformation

It’s beautiful
It’s messy
It’s real
And it’s raw
It’s LOVE
It’s what life is about

You want it so bad
You can taste it, you say
You long to emerge from this cocoon one day

You’ll need to let go
get out of your own way
Learn to Loosen that grip
So you can come out and play

you can’t have all that you’ve been longing for
without taking a chance
Without taking the LEAP
And to take that leap
You’ll have to learn to BELIEVE

the ground is already rumbling beneath you
You feel it, I know
It‘s scary
but what’s even scarier
Is not being real with yourself

I know this because
I was once in your shoes
Feeling frozen
And trapped
I’d keep Telling myself
“I don’t know what to do”

When, really,
deep down
All along
I knew

if I wanted the CHANCE
to be happier
to be grateful
I needed to trust myself
and finally let go

And although the path forward was so very unclear
I finally CHOSE to believe that the net would appear

And now
here I am
In this beautiful place
that I’m in

I now feel it’s my duty
to help you jump in  

I want to shake you
And wake you
right out of your comfort

For it’s in those uncomfortable places
That we GROW

all that I can do
With everything I’ve unearthed  
Is to share love
And be love
And that is enough

the funny thing about it
That brings me such joy
Is that there’s not really much difference
Between you and I

My story will help lead you back to your truth
I know that because
You are me, I am you

Pain is universal
Love, of course, too
And if I can feel love this big
I know you can too

We’re really the same
And one day we’ll all die

let me stand by your side
Hold your hand
While you cry

I’ll be right here with you
while you buckle up for the ride

I want you to take the leap
you’ve been dying to make  

I know you’re scared
You feel such unease
But soon you’ll see
It’s a portal
into the life of your dreams

It’s true that nothing changed until I made a different choice
And your life won’t either
Unless you listen to that voice
You know the one that I’m talking about

It’s in there somewhere
But you’ll have to slow down
In order to to hear it
You’ll have to knock down those walls

Remember,
nothing changed until I took radical responsibility of my life
Nothing changed until I got real and honest with myself
Nothing changed until I stopping blaming everyone else

I’ve taken my very own courageous leaps of faith
Yes, I finally learned to get out of my own way
I let go of my control
And I mean
I REALLY let go

I leaned into my trust
I finally chose to believe in myself

And because I’ve done it,
I know you can too
And if you don’t believe me,
Let ME believe in YOU

I believe in the beauty that lives in your heart
I believe you are worthy
I believe you’ll figure it out

You are courageous
You are strong
You’ve got what it takes
I believe, deep down,
that you know the way

tune out all the noise
And just look within
What do you see?
What you notice?
What do you FEEL in there?

I know there’s a flicker that lives deep in your heart
It’s your inner knowing
Your intuition  
don’t let it burn out!

Keep stoking the flame that lives within you

It’s Your soul’s purpose
It’s there
Not only there,
But it’s TRUE

It lives inside me
And it lives inside you

it’s just longing for you to give it a chance
To be heard
To be seen
To be felt
To be loved
And remember, by you!
Not by anyone else

Befriend it for me, please?
Grab it by the hand
Take off with it,
running
Come meet me in neverland ❤