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As I sit here at the co-op, with my nearly 3 month old baby fast asleep on my chest, I hold my hands against my warm cup of soup on a cold winter’s day.
I just went about normal daily interactions with those around me - smiles shared with the cashier as they checked me out…
They don’t know I just said my forever goodbye to you. They don’t know my heart is fully broken.
Read MoreOur inner critic will get louder when we’re being courageous
Our inner critic will tell us we aren’t good enough just as we are stepping out of our comfort zone
The thing is, our inner critic likes to play it safe
Our inner critic likes to be comfortable
Our inner critic wants us to stay right. where. we. are…
Read MoreTo all the mothers out there whose hearts are living on,
outside of their bodies, in the form of their sweet child
I see you, For all that you hold, And all you do
I see you, Because I am you
And you’re so not alone…
Read MoreI long to strip away all the conditioning I’ve received in this lifetime
to let go of all the “shoulds” that have been placed on me, without my permission
The purity of our childhood essence is slowly stripped away from us all
by the pained adults who had the very same thing done to themselves…
Read MoreI am astounded with life lately
I’ve truly never felt so present
so lit up
so joyful
so alive
and so FREE…
I read a quote the other day by Clarissa Pinkola Estés about how if we prioritize cleaning up our homes over sitting down to write, we will never actually end up writing… because there will always be cleaning to be done… ooof. Reading her words was an emotional punch to my gut. A wake-up call.
Cleaning had become my drug of choice…
Read MoreI spent the first six years of motherhood trying to fight my way back to my maiden self…
I longed to be the girl who could wake up in the morning and only worry about her own needs
The girl who ate food while it was hot and enjoyed a warm cup of tea listening only to the sound of silence
I spent years in resistance, trying to claw my way back to her
Desperate for a break
Desparate for a little freedom
Desparate for some peace and quiet…
Early labor contractions started early Monday morning. They weren’t painful at all, but were continually coming every 3-5min, and were a little more tight and crampy than the usual Braxton Hicks I had been having.
My mom came to hang with Ayla while I went to visit my midwife that morning. We decided to do my first cervical check to get a baseline. I was 1cm dilated & 80% effaced. We talked about how these early labor contractions could go on for days and the importance of making sure I stay rested, hydrated, and well nourished.
Read MoreRyan and I celebrated six years married, twelve years together on Sunday.
To be brutally honest, the last couple years have been hard on us. Really hard.
We took the time this past weekend to pull out our ceremony, vows and photos. Looking back on it all and re-reading our promises to one another was powerful. It’s like we knew we’d be sitting over a dinner table one day, celebrating our anniversary, yet feeling this heart breaking distance and disconnection between one another.
We knew times would get hard. We promised to work through those times together. We knew it wasn’t going to be easy. We committed to never giving up. We knew our love was stronger than any obstacle that would come our way...
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